This just in, the city of Toronto is being terrorized and has been shut down due to a piece of ice!
A PIECE OF ICE??? Ain’t this a bitch! I am really getting tired of all this snow and ice drama that’s going on downtown. It’s like, we have a few mild winters in a row and then everybody forgets what winter’s really like! They closed off major intersections and highways because of a piece of ice!!! A piece of ICE! This piece of ice got more publicity then Britney Spears’ shaved head and Anna Nicole Smith’s funeral put together with a dash of OJ Simpson trial on the side. There was a helicopter hovering around the CN Tower on Monday just filming the thing, that’s quite the photo op!! Hey, here’s an idea…since you’re up there, why don’t you just melt the damn thing!!! If they had just paid some guy to go up there with 2 blow dryers then all of this would have been over the very next day! In fact, here is an article on the CP24 website with suggestions on how to get rid of the ice, and some of them are pretty good ideas!
It also has a very nice picture of the culprit…look at it, sitting up there, plotting its next move like some kind of diabolical…piece of ice…that’s stuck to the side of a building…that bastard!
But in all seriousness, I blame the media. They over exaggerate everything causing everyone to panic thus causing them to forget how to drive when it’s snowing. I’m sure we all have our nightmare stories of the night the storm hit. I know some people took 5 hours to get home, and some people whose car died and had to wait forever to get a tow truck cause they were all busy helping people who got into accidents. Personally I took 2.5 hours to get home, which really isn’t that bad considering we live about an hour away. I also blame the salt trucks, or is it the city that decides when those go out?
I think I speak for everyone when I say…Summer, please hurry the hell up and get here already, I want to sit on a patio somewhere and enjoy a nice cold corona.