GO Train? Pff! More like NO Train! Am I right??
There’s no secret about the relationship between myself and the GO Train. I hate it and it loves making my life miserable. How you ask? What else could I possibly append to the already super long list of GO Train woes? Keep reading and you’ll be pleasantly surprised…or severely disappointed.
The 4 Pack:
When I know I have to take the GO after work, I try to get there a bit early so I can get a 4 pack of seats where I can throw my bag down, put my feet up, kick back and relax. Five minutes before departure…still have my 4 pack. Three minutes…sweet! Still empty! One minute…some Mofo sits DIRECTLY across from me! I don’t have a problem with you sitting in my 4 pack…that’s right, MY 4 pack! But why sit directly across from me?? I know what everyone is thinking…why not move? NO! I was there 15 minutes before this Mofo! If I move, Mofo wins. The worst part about this? Mofo gets off at my stop. By the time my stop comes around, the train is pretty much empty, 4 packs for the taking…yet Mofo doesn’t move…and I can’t move or Mofo wins. Mofo must not win! I dislike you, Mofo.
In the mornings when I take the GO, I always make sure I have some form of entertainment. Whether it be the crossword, a book, playing Angry Birds or Where’s Waldo on my iPod…point is, I keep myself busy. I never sleep during the commute. It’s not that I don’t want to, I just can’t. Some people however, have no issues sleeping. This, I have learned from experience. Like the time I was sitting there listening to my music, minding my own business when I felt something on my shoulder. I look over and some dude fell asleep on me. Apparently his big head could no longer defy the laws of gravity and fell on my shoulder. What does one do in this situation? Do I take the Jersey Shore way out of this? “Bro! Are you SERIOUS bro? Yo don’t lean on me bro!” *punch*. No, I did what anybody else would do…I awkwardly stared out the window and went to my happy place until it was over.
Apparently we fart when we sleep. Yes ladies, that includes you. You don’t fart you say? Oh you fancy huh? Fine, you toot. So I’m on the GO on my way home coming up to my stop. There’s just me and this other lady sleeping across the aisle from me. I start packing up my iPod and get my car keys out when it happened…the fart. My first instinct was to say “yes?” because it had that upward inflection? you know when it sounds like you’re asking a question? If you were to write it out, it wouldn’t be “fart”, it would be “fart??”. Anyways, she must have thought I asked her a question because she woke up a bit startled…or embarrassed…because her ass was asking her a question. I got out of there just in time though, my bottom lip was starting to bleed from me biting it as to not burst out in laughter.
Did I just coin the term sleep fart? Let the world know! #sleepfart on twitter.
Also, a big thank you goes out to Natasha for her wonderful illustrations, I couldn’t have done it better! If you like her artwork and would like her to do some artsy stuff for you, please contact her directly, do not go through me as it would be immensely inconvenient…for me. Also, don’t steal the pictures, they are protected under the copyright code of 2011…I’m sure I made that up.