Downtown Toronto. Fast paced. Business oriented. Serengeti Desert???? <– see what I did there, it’s called capturing your audience. Gotcha now, suckers!
Since I’ve started working downtown, 5 years ago? 6? I lost count, but it was a big change from what I was used to growing up in Newmarket. But now, I think I’ve adapted pretty well. The pushing, the shoving…and the name calling. Oh the name calling! The things they said :'(. “Hey, farm boy! Go back to your farm!” Or “Hey, don’t you have cows you should be milking?!”. Jerks. Just a side note, Newmarket is more developed than you think! So shove it!
But hey, it is what it is. I would say about 60 percent of people who work downtown are huge douche bags who think they’re better than everyone else. If you work downtown and you’re reading this rant then you OBVIOUSLY fall in to the 39 percent that aren’t douche bags. What’s the other 1 percent you ask? It’s the crazy preacher guy that rips up newspapers in front of our building and scatters the pieces up and down Bay and Adelaide streets.
Unfortunately for me, I work in what is referred to as the “financial district”, where everyone wears suits and are all business, all the time. Example: almost everybody has a cell phone glued to their ear or are talking business on their super teeny bluetooth headsets and then you think they’re talking to you and you answer them and then they point to the bluetooth headset…Ass. Which reminds me, what the F people! Stop wearing your bluetooth headsets everywhere you go! Are you really expecting a call in a club? Every time someone calls me in a club, it always end with me saying “DUDE, JUST TXT ME!! I CAN’T HEAR YOU OVER ALL THIS FUN!”. And then I hang up. But I’ll save that for a future rant.
You have no idea how many people I see getting bumped by cars or almost run over because they are yapping on their cell phones about the latest TPS Report, or bbm-ing about where to meet for lunch. One phenomenon I noticed pretty much instantly was the gazelle move…or should I say reverse gazelle move…allow me to explain. In nature, the gazelle would run away from its predators whether it be lion, cheetah or hyena in order to survive. Once it has escaped danger, it would slow down and eventually come to a stop. Now, what I’ve noticed downtown is that with people would run towards danger, slow down, and eventually come to a stop…in the middle of an intersection. I know some of you might be guilty of this move too. You know what I’m talking about, you’re approaching an intersection, you see the countdown timer approach 5 seconds and you’re 15 feet away, you burst into a mad dash to make it on to the road, you start to slow down just as you approach the intersection and then, you slow to a crawl as you leisurely take your sweet ass time to cross.
What the F people! Seriously! I f’n hate that! Especially when I’m driving and I’m about to make a right turn and someone runs out in front of me just as I’m about to move, and then starts walking really slowly. And then they have to nerve to look at you as if you’re doing something wrong! The way I see it is, if you’re a pedestrian crossing the street, and the light changes and you’re not even half way yet, you’re fair game. That’s WHY they have the timer, if you can’t make it across the street in the allotted amount of time, then DON’T CROSS!
I leave you with this hilarious joke about a gazelle: