It’s that time of the year again…time for rise of the strollers *cue dramatic music and serious emoticon* 😐
How many times have you been walking in the mall doing your christmas shopping, minding your busin–WHAM! Stroller to your shins! Fall to your knees, cripple over in pain, and eventually, DIE! Doctors diagnose the cause of death as fatal wounds to the shinal area by means of baby transporting device. Laughter ensues…at your funeral.
Obviously that’s never happened…yet. But at the current rate of baby making *cue ‘aww yea’ music and ecstatic emoticon* :D…it’s only a matter of time. Obviously it’s not JUST baby strollers that can be a nuisance at the mall during the christmas shopping season. I think I need to run down a few obstacles that you can look forward to for the next couple of weeks.
Baby Strollers: what is UP with these luxury baby strollers nowadays?! When I was a baby, I had a stroller I barely fit in, there was no seat belt, but had that 3 pronged clip, and instead of lying down in it, it was at such a steep angle I was practically standing up. But I digress. Be on the look out for these pretty much anywhere, especially kid friendly stores.
Best way to deal: drop a toy in to the stroller. It doesn’t solve anything, but it’s fun to watch the parent try to take it away from the child so they don’t have to pay for it.
Annoyingness rating: 5/5
Shopping carts: they aren’t really an inconvenience…the people who are pushing them on the other hand…what’s wrong with people? Please don’t park your cart perpendicular to the aisles, or leave them in the middle of the aisle. Also, watch where you’re pushing that thing. Seriously. It’s a shopping cart.
Best way to deal: start shopping from their cart, hey, it’s in a metal bin in the middle of the aisle, tell them you thought it was a bargain basket. This will annoy them further because you are suggesting the items they picked out are cheap.
Annoyingness rating: Carts: 3/5. People pushing carts: 5/5
Kids: do I even need to say anything? Usually I’m against kids being on kid leashes, but…yeaaaa…put that kid on a leash.
Best way to deal: push them outta the way, you’re bigger than them. If they are annoying teenagers, throw out a few math equations, they will scatter like cockroaches.
Annoyingness rating: 5/5
Parking lots: I understand that there’s snow on the ground and the lines might be hidden, I get that. What I don’t get is the need for people to make their own luxury parking spots. Do people not know how to average? I mean, if you park like a jackass, your car is more likely to get a dent or keyed than the people that are making efforts to save space. I’m just saying.
Best way to deal: put flyers on their windshield, that’ll teach ’em.
Annoyingness rating: 4/5
Escalators: we all know the rule, stand right, walk left. This may be avoidable during the busy season, which is understandable. I mean, mobs of people use the escalators at the same time and there’s no way getting around that. However, when you get to the bottom or top, please, I beg you, don’t just stand there and look around like an idiot, because if you don’t move, you will get run down, and it’s not gonna be pretty.
Best way to deal: yell out “moooooooooove” the entire time you’re on the escalator. At least when the person gets taken out, they would have had fair warning.
Annoyingness rating: 3/5
There you have it. I hope that you have found this guide extremely informative and I hope it helps you out this season with your shopping woes.
The views and opinions expressed in this rant are strictly for entertainment purposes and should not be used in big people scenarios, no matter how much I encourage it. And I highly encourage it. That would be awesome.
Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays everyone!