daily rant – 00020 – mis-fortune cookie

Does anybody remember the point of these things anymore?   I used to look forward to opening my fortune cookie so I can see what crazy adventures await me in the future…but lately, I just don’t know.

I went to a Chinese restaurant a while ago with my family and at the end of our dinner we got our fortune cookies.   First of all, how hard is it to make sure that the actual cookie forms somewhat of a seal around the fortune?  I can’t even begin to tell you how many fortune cookies I have received where I was able to just pull out the fortune without breaking it!  Isn’t that bad luck or something?  And if THAT’S bad luck, then what does it mean when you crack open the cookie and it’s empty??  Don’t they have some kind of fortune cookie quality control?  And they should have some kind of incentive if you don’t get one, like you eat for free…but I guess that’s at the restaurant’s discretion.  But it’s like you don’t have a soul when you don’t get a fortune…personally I think that merits some kind of compensation.  Plus it’s kind of embarrassing, all your friends have one, and there you are, just sitting there, wondering what could have been…

So we get our fortunes, and to my great disappointment…”Your whole family is well”…really?  Are you kidding me?  Gee thanks cookie, I couldn’t tell after JUST having dinner with them and having discussions about work, vacation and life in general.  But hey, thanks for the summary.  Too bad you’re not a summary cookie.  Idiot.  Yea I just called a cookie an idiot, and I think with good reason.  Plus I don’t even think that’s proper grammar.   This wasn’t the only time the cookie’s let me down.  Another time I opened up the cookie, and here’s what it told me “☺ It is a nice day. ☺” (as seen in the picture below).  Yes, this is my actual fortune.  HOW is this a fortune??  The way I see it, it’s an assumption, and after having a conversation with Rachel C. today (I have to specify because apparently I’m collecting all the Rachel’s I went to high school with on facebook), we both came to the same conclusion, that assumptions are awesome…but here’s the catch, I don’t like it when cookies assume things OK?   Because 1) You’re a cookie and 2) You don’t know me!

I would like to make a suggestion if I may.  Would it be so wrong if you guys go back to making fortunes that fill the hearts of children and grown ups alike with hopes and dreams of becoming astronauts, firemen, or race car drivers?  I think it would make the world a better place.  Maybe go back to the “You will find true love in the near future” or “You will find great treasure…in the near future”…come to think of it, everything usually occurs in the near future.  In any case, bring those fortunes back, because they meet the criteria…they’re fortunes and they’re in cookies.



Jan 14/09



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