Do you remember gym class? Track and field. Basketball. Dodge ball. Line dancing. Parachute?!?
Wait, hold up. I was going to get right in to my rant about the big ass rainbowed parachute, but LINE DANCING?? What the F! Please, anybody that went to Mazo, PLEASE tell me you remember this! How the F was THAT gym??? Anyway, I severely digress. F’n achy breaky heart…Ok I’m done.
Parachute. How was THIS even classified as gym? If you don’t know what I’m talking about, back in the day (I’m not sure if they teach children ‘parachute’ anymore) the gym teacher would pull out a giant rainbow coloured parachute and somehow make it a full hour gym lesson. Each kid will hold on to the end of the parachute creating a circle and then the teacher would throw a dodge ball on top and the kids would frantically move the parachute up and down to make the ball bounce. Another fun activity was to send a child under the parachute while the other kids move the parachute up and down taunting, laughing at, and finally traumatizing the child.
The funny part is, the teacher would say “today in gym, we’ll be doing…parachute!!!”. And we would go BANANAS over this thing! I’m not gonna lie, parachute was mad fun…but HOW was this gym? And the messed up part was, when a kid wasn’t listening in class, the teacher would sit the kid out of parachute lesson and that kid would go sulk in the corner, occasionally peaking out from their folded arms which were covering their face being hidden in shame. That’s how powerful and influential this thing was…maybe they were on to something…but seriously, they weren’t.
What did parachute teach kids exactly? Colours? Maybe. But this was gym class so forget that. Kids don’t go to gym class saying “I hope we learn complimentary colours today!”. Teamwork? Nah. Kids would go buck wild with that thing, there was absolutely no coordination and they didn’t care if the ball fell off. Exercise? Possibly. The most we’d be exercising was our arms and we would be standing in one place. Guys help me out here, I’m running out of ideas. Maybe it was just plain and simple fun? But they would say “hey! save the fun for recess!”…aah, recess.
So, my question to all the teachers out there, what was the point of parachute? Because I am confused at how that could have been a lesson…more importantly…LINE F’N DANCING?!? Seriously! What the hell!! The power these teachers had…they could make their students do anything they pleased. I’m pretty sure line dancing wasn’t a part of the curriculum. How do you write up the report cards for that lesson? “Randy is displaying too much achy and not enough breaky.”. Really? Give ME a breaky!
I must apologize. This rant was kind of all over the place. I meant to rant about parachute lesson in gym class but inadvertently reminded myself of line dancing lessons which I tried so hard to forget.
Now if you would excuse me, I’m gonna go curl up into the fetal position now.