daily rant – 00032 – airport blues

As most of you know, I like to travel…a LOT.

When I was younger, I used to be so fascinated with airports.   Seeing the gigantor planes outside the window in the waiting area.  Seeing my suitcase being magically transported away on the conveyor belt only to be reunited when we arrive at our destination.  Going through the metal detector, having it beep and then pretending I was part robot…what?  You never did that?   I still kinda maybe do that…kinda…sorta.

Nowadays its just like…whatever.  Now I can’t wait to check in and get rid of my suitcase.   I can’t wait to get past security, I make it a point to show up to the airport wearing no metal at all just so I can whiz by the metal detector.   I don’t care to see the outside of the plane, I just want to get inside and get to my destination.  Don’t get me wrong, although I want to get by all this stuff, it’s not like I’m in a mad rush.  I understand that there will be line ups and it takes time to get through everything.   I get it.

I recently flew within Canada for the first time and I learned how much I hate flying to New York.  Which brings me to another one of my Arch Nemesees, LaGuardia Airport.  I always seem to have issues at this airport.  Let’s start off with them leaving us on a plane on the runway for about 3 or 4 hours.   Now I’m not sure who’s to blame, the airport or Air Canada.  I’ll let The Baxter clarify.  But minus 5 points to AC for serving us warm tap water and crackers.  We’re people, not animals.   By the way, they ended up canceling the flight and we had to fend for ourselves.

In another epic battle, we find ourselves lining up for the security check where they scan your carry-on and do the metal detector.  We go line up and the line is…um…long, and not moving.  We finally find out that 2 out of their 3 scanners aren’t working.  Awesome.  What was even more awesome was the lady behind us that was clearly in a rush since she somehow pushed her way between me and my parents…while the line wasn’t moving.  I hate you lady. Congratulations, you were the most annoying thing I encountered that day.

Last but not least, the zipper incident.  So we go line up for the security check and I go past the metal detector, and I beep.  I start doing the robot to see if they let me by, no dice.   I’m kidding I didn’t do the robot…but someday…someday.  Anyway, the guy starts using the handheld scanner and pretty much yells out “sir, do you mind zipping up your pants?”.  Really?   Yell much?  Do YOU mind shutting the hell up and being a bit more subtle?  A simple nod or motion would have sufficed.

But no matter how much crap we deal with at that stupid airport, no matter the hassle, it’s all worth it once we get to see our family in New York.  Awwww.

Michelle, if we’re late for your wedding, you know who to blame!  See you guys in August!



Feb 2/10



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