daily rant – 00051 – fly as a fruit, son!

FACT!  Fruit flies only live 8-10 days……….FACT!….Female fruit flies can lay up to 500 eggs in your rotting fruit.  That’s gross on so many levels.  And this concludes the educational portion of the rant.

I hate fruit flies…and I think they recently discovered this, since they won’t leave me the hell alone.  We’ve been experiencing a little fruit fly outbreak at home as of late, not anything extreme, but annoying enough to have one fly by your face every 30 minutes.  It sucks because you start second guessing yourself like, ‘did I just see a fruit fly?  Or was it just that little squiggly line in my eye?’  Much like spiders, the fruit fly also has a special ability…they can time travel.  Surprise!  That’s right, they’re like the DeLorean’s of the insect world.  You could see one fly by your face, then when you turn your head, they’re on the wall all the way on the other side of the room.

 

[88 mph

Another ability they have, is the power to make you look like a complete idiot in front of your friends.  Picture yourself having a conversation with friends, then out of nowhere you quickly grab at the air with a blank expression on your face, then act like nothing happened.  After trying to explain to what you were doing, your friends don’t believe you because the fly already time traveled to the other side of the house.  Every once in a while, you eventually catch one, and it’s pretty much mandatory to show everyone around you that you have ninja like reflexes and can grab fruit flies out of the air like Mr. Miyagi…only to have people say ‘ew gross!!’ as they slowly inch away from you.


[bug on….bug…still on

Seriously, what’s the point of these things?  They don’t contribute to society, we don’t benefit from them and who knows where they land on the food chain?  Do you think spiders chose not to eat them because they’re a healthier alternative to regular house flies?  And what does that mean for the Potato Bug?


[fruit flies

Once again, I would like to thank the Art-Bot, AKA Nay Tay Tay, AKA Natasha for her wonderful illustrations.  You can see more of her work HERE…and nowhere else because she’s too lazy to create an online portfolio.  As always, don’t steal the pictures, they are protected under the copyright code of 2011.

Rant, over!

-RP

Nov 18/2011

 

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